A Journey With Mental Illness by Annette C.
My story is about my journey with my son and his bipolar illness. My journey alongside of my son and his mental illness started when he was a toddler; he is now 27. Throughout my son's school years he struggled daily. When not hiding away in his room in a deep depressive state he would exhibit manic symptoms that would result in rages and school suspensions.
The expected carefree days of childhood were not possible for him. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and we were fortunate to find good mental health providers throughout those years. While other parents carpooled to swimming lessons, we spent our time at psychiatric appointments. While other teenagers were hanging out with friends and making plans for their futures, we were just trying to get through the next 24 hours. We lived in isolation, trying to cope with the lack of understanding and the fear that accompanies a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.
My son is my hero in every way and sets an example of what is possible even in the face of mental illness. To me his accomplishments are greater than landing on the moon.
My son graduated from high school at age 18; it was incredibly exciting for him and for me. He had accomplished what many thought would be impossible. But within months of his graduation he fell into a deep depression. He stayed in a dark room, day and night, he couldn't work, and he didn't socialize even with his family. Nothing seemed to work, and it was like we had come to the end of our road. We had tried so many options and now our doctor suggested that we file for disability while he tried just one more medication.
This was the turning point in my son's life. For several weeks he struggled with side effects, but each day he got up and took the medication, and after several weeks he started to emerge and rejoin life. Slow "baby" steps forward, eating, sleeping, showering, then a part- time job, then a full-time job. Setbacks happened, jobs were lost, friends came and went, but he just kept putting one foot in front of another. As our other children left home and went on with their lives, we often lovingly joked that my son would still be living at home when he was 35. One of his jobs involved traveling during the week and staying away from home; this is when we started to see him grow and mature. After a year and a half he started talking about his interest in moving to Florida. He felt the sunshine and warmth would be better for him than the dark and cold of the New Hampshire winters.
In March of 2007, after much research, he left home for Florida with all his belongings packed in his car. I was so scared; he was stepping outside of the safety net that we had created for him. That was over two years ago. Since arriving there he secured a good job, a place to live, and he went on to purchase a house on his own and currently is living happily with a new girlfriend and two cats. It was not easy for him, but each time he would encounter an obstacle he would use the strategies he had learned in years of therapy to seek a solution, like talking to me on his cell phone to reduce the anxiety of grocery shopping.
Although I always believed in him, I must say that down deep I never dared to set such high expectations. There were many years that I lacked the understanding of his illness. The turning point for me was getting educated and learning to separate my son from the illness. Through NAMI I learned empathy, understanding and most importantly acceptance, and I was able to partner with my son to provide him the support he needed and at the same time learn to cope with my own grief and frustration.
My son is my hero in every way and sets an example of what is possible even in the face of mental illness. To me his accomplishments are greater than landing on the moon. He continues to see his doctor every three months and take his prescribed medications. I don't ever take his "recovery" for granted. I am proud of the work he has done to manage his illness and I am proud of the person I became as I learned how to be an effective support system for him. I know that I would not be the person I am today if I had not taken this journey by his side.
